Dear Subscriber First Name

“What do you do with someone who’s got martyrdom syndrome?”

I was staring at yet ANOTHER impossibly stunning mountain range in Wellington's wine country from the back of the mini-van, when the moment was suddenly fractured by this question.

Only a couple of minutes earlier, Franca, a fellow vino enthusiast on the tour, had swivelled round and politely asked me:

“So what do you do with yourself, Tim?”

“I help folks who are too hard on themselves - and others - in the workplace. That includes people that can’t switch off or get overwhelmed.”

Franca was talking about her boss, the nurse manager. The martyr.

“Hmm, martyrdom syndrome? That's a new one,” I genuinely offered.

And that was all Franca needed. Like a tightly wound spring, she passionately unloaded:

Of course, I had seen and heard all this before. I genuinely felt Franca’s pain and frustration.

Now I must confess, the tour of the Martinborough wine region did fall under the ‘pleasure’ category of my “business & pleasure’” trip, so talking too much shop probably wasn’t on the agenda.

But if you’ve been reading this publication for a while (and know my obsession with patterns of human behaviour) resisting the opportunity to help people like Franca tackle these sorts of workplace challenges is my Achilles' heel, and what a half-volley that question was!

The "Martyr Boss" (I’m taking that one Franca - see you in court…) is actually a perfect example of the "No Off Switch" pattern we promised to attack last week.

Right now, with the year-end crush, it’s probably more relevant than ever.

So where might we start with our Nurse Manager?

Check out the following simple exercise -

I call it The Overdrive Audit - It’s little more than a series of direct questions that illustrates the version of you that’s doing things the hard way, alongside the side of you that could be functioning in a way that works for you, and those around you - AKA ‘The Health Adult’.

Let’s take a look at how this might look….

1. List the areas in which your standards may be unbalanced or unhealthy.

“Everything must be done perfectly, (no mistakes) I must oversee every detail, I must take on all the hardest tasks”

2. List the advantages of trying to meet these standards on a daily basis.

“I know the job is done right; I feel a sense of security and control; I am seen as the most competent and indispensable manager; I successfully avoid criticism”

4. Try to conjure an image of what your life would be like without these pressures.

“I would leave the hospital on time feeling lighter and spacious. I’d be respected for my mentorship and guidance, not just for my output. My staff would be more relaxed and proactive. I would have energy left over to enjoy my personal life”

5. Consider what the effects would be if you lowered your standards about 25 percent.

“If I accept that a report is excellent (not perfect), I save 30 minutes of checking, and the patient outcome remains the same. If I allow my team to handle 75% of a task without my review, they gain confidence, and I gain two hours a week. Catastrophe does not happen”

6. Try to quantify the time you devote to maintaining your standards.

“1 hour per shift spent re-checking charts and tidying; 3 hours per week spent doing delegatable tasks; 45 minutes before every shift creating exhaustive to-do lists. Total: Approximately 7 hours per week of unnecessary self-imposed labor.”

7. Gradually try to change your schedule or alter your behavior in order to get your deeper needs met.

“Instead of doing the hardest task myself, I will delegate it and spend that time mentoring the staff member. I will schedule a 15-minute relaxation break into my shift to intentionally reset my mood. I will leave on time twice this week.”

It’s as simple as that folks.

Of course the Overdrive Audit can be interchanged with patterns of behaviours or things you notice that are more specific to you. Like:

• Perfectionism

• Worrying too much

• Saying ‘no’

• Procrastinating

• Negative thinking

I’d love you to give this a go - and share your thoughts around it.

Here’s a blank copy to practice with:

1. List the areas in which your standards may be unbalanced or unhealthy.

2. List the advantages of trying to meet these standards on a daily basis.

3. List the disadvantages of trying to meet these standards on a daily basis.

4. Try to conjure an image of what your life would be like without these pressures.

5. Consider what the effects would be if you lowered your standards about 25 percent.

6. Try to quantify the time you devote to maintaining your standards.

7. Gradually try to change your schedule or alter your behavior in order to get your deeper needs met.

Next week I’ll give you something else to continue the search for your Healthy Adult!

You can reach me below, or simply hit reply and I’ll reach out to you:

• Visit the website / Book a call 📱

• tim@schemacoaching.com.au 📧

Looking forward to connecting!