Dear Subscriber First Name

If you’re one of the kind souls who reached out to tell me how useful last week’s ‘Batman’ analogy was - THANK YOU - knowing it resonated with you in even the smallest way means so much to me.

So, how did you go noticing your inner ‘Batman’, ‘Bruce Wayne’ or even ‘villain’ throughout the rigors of another busy week?

Was there an everyday scenario where you recognised the presence of one characters? Maybe you saw the Joker in someone else!

Hopefully you also took the ‘Find Your Inner Alfred Challenge’, and experienced plenty of the caring, soothing kindness Alfred has to offer. He’s a gentle soul :)

Here’s last week’s write up if you’re yet to get up to speed -

Speaking of your inner Alfred, or ‘healthy adult’ as it’s more broadly known, a question i’m often asked when coaching is this:

“How do i actually know what my healthy adult looks like?”.

Conversely, I might ask “what does he (your healthy adult) want to say or do?” or “how does she behave and what does she stand for?”.

This is sometimes met with a shrug of the shoulders, which is kind of reasonable, given the focus of coaching to begin with is to understand, get to know and ‘arrest’ the side (‘villain’) that’s getting in a persons way at work.

Meeting Your ‘Healthy Adult’

Let me say it loud and clear:

A cornerstone of Schema Coaching is the cultivation of your Healthy Adult ‘side’. ("there’s this ‘side’ of me that says go jump!" - you get the gist...)

To truly grasp what your Healthy Adult looks like, let's step away from the abstract for a moment and dive into a common experience.

Remember that last time you found yourself in a tricky work situation - perhaps a difficult conversation you avoided, a task you took on even though you were overloaded, or a meeting where you felt unheard?

Think about how that scenario played out. Perhaps you felt overwhelmed, silently seethed, or just kept quiet when you wanted to speak up.

How did you know it was one of your less healthy "sides" in charge? Maybe you felt the familiar push from your Inner Critic ("You're not good enough to speak up!"), or the urge to just avoid the problem entirely (“I won’t rock the boat here, what’s the point?”), or the compulsion to obsess over every tiny detail (“this still isn’t isn’t good enough, I’ll just add this or bounce it off Karen in finance”).

Now, take a moment. Close your eyes if you like.

Imagine that same scenario, we’re going to picture it going differently.

Your Healthy Adult is deeply connected to your core values. I like to think of our values as our personal compass - if you’re living by them and letting them guide your decisions, interactions, and how you show up, I reckon you’re on the right path.

When you operate from your Healthy Adult, your actions are consistently aligned with these values.

Beyond your values, your Healthy Adult embodies several key virtues:

• Kindness and Compassion (to self and others): They understand that mistakes are part of learning and growth, offering self-forgiveness and extending empathy to colleagues. It's okay to have an off day; your Healthy Adult responds with understanding, not self-flagellation.

• Realistic Boundaries: They’re comfortable saying “no” when necessary, even if it’s an unpopular decision. They knows when to switch off and protect personal time, understanding that rest and rejuvenation are essential for sustained performance.

• Honest Communication: They’re able to have hard conversations, to be honest with yourself and others, even when it’s uncomfortable. They empower you to stand up for yourself and your needs, not just those of others.

• Balanced Self-Care: They prioritise your well-being - mental, emotional, and physical - knowing that you cannot pour from an empty cup. It’s the part of you that ensures you consider your own needs, not just consistently sacrificing them for others.

• Flexibility and Adaptability: The Healthy Adult can pivot when faced with unexpected challenges, viewing them as opportunities for learning rather than insurmountable obstacles.

Not 100% sure what your values are? This list might just help jog the memory: Values Checklist

Ok, hopefully that’s joined some dots on what our Healthy Adult might look like.

Back to our ‘tricky scenario’ above: What would have been different if your Healthy Adult had been fully present?

How would you have behaved?

What would you have said or done?

How would the people around you have responded to that version of you?

Finally, how would you have felt afterwards? Strong, enthused, liberated, proud, self-assured?

This imaginative exercise is often the first step to seeing your Healthy Adult in action. It helps you identify the contrast between how you did react when an unhelpful "side" was dominant, and how you could react when your Healthy Adult is at the helm.

Getting to know your ‘Healthy Adult’

Your Challenge for the Week:

This week, I challenge you to become a detective of your own internal landscape.

1. Spot the Shift: Pay close attention during your day. When you feel a surge of stress, a desire to avoid something, or hear that critical voice, pause. Ask yourself: "Which 'side' feels like it's in charge right now?"

2. Imagine the Alternative: Once you've identified an unhelpful "side," take a moment to deliberately imagine how your Healthy Adult would respond to that exact situation. What would they say? What action would they take?

3. Practice One Step: If possible and appropriate, try to take just one small step in the direction of your Healthy Adult's imagined response. It could be as simple as taking a deep breath before reacting, or pausing before agreeing to something you know you shouldn't.

The more you notice the contrast and intentionally choose the Healthy Adult's path, the clearer its presence will become in your daily working life.

Wait up a minute!